Date Yourself: A Self Love Vlog
Welcome to another vlog! This month, I explored the importance of self love and independence from the perspective of a young, aro/ace woman such as myself.
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Since I was a young child, I was constantly told to not go anywhere by myself. The fact that I was a woman meant that I was always in danger. I must always have a friend, a brother, a man to take me anywhere. If I wasn’t out in the world, I must be at home. Improving it, taking care of it.
I knew pretty young that I wasn’t interested in being in a romantic relationship. I loved the concept of it. But when I imagined myself in one, it instantly soured in my mind. Since I never had a relationship, I never had a man to take me out of my home. And so, I stayed there and became complacent.
I grew up and went to college. That’s usually when people get out of their bubbles, but I was comfortable in mine. The bubble was nice and it had all of my favorite things: yummy food, warm blankets, and it was away from the judgmental eyes of the world. In Junior year, COVID came. Once I was locked inside of my bubble, I realized the world was full of beautiful experiences begging for me to explore them. I didn’t want to be stuck anymore. Not by my fears or anyone else’s.
Throughout this year in therapy, I explored the idea of vulnerability. It’s putting your whole self out into the world - “warts and all”. From all the different books and podcasts and therapy sessions I’ve been to, vulnerability leads to a richer, fulfilled life.
The concept of self love or self care online is way different than the one I now have in my head. The online self care of “I’m treating myself to this new purse” or “I’m trying out this Korean face mask” is a really simple one to grasp. I would do them, proclaim that I did it, and then late at night I would spiral with thoughts of truly hating myself. Self care to me was also staying at home. That version of self care wasn’t doing me any good! To me, self love is vulnerability. It’s truly listening to yourself. It’s feeling your emotions, even all the complicated ones. It’s trusting your voice and your thoughts about the world.
To tie back to the video, my self love day included going to the farmer’s market, bookstores, and vintage shops all by myself. I chose what things to buy, noted my thoughts on what music was playing and felt the drizzly rain in my hair. I tasted delicious donuts and coffee. I listened to my body when it told me it was time to go home. Going out in the world by yourself is truly exhausted, especially if you haven’t done it a lot. So please, rest. Rest is self love.
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Here’s some intro solo activities I recommend:
-shopping and thrifting
-going on a walk or sitting on a bench in the park (bonus points if you don’t listen to music or podcasts)
-going to a zoo or museum and journal
-going to a farmer’s market
-going to the movies
-getting a cup of coffee at the cafe
Trust me, no one is going to care that you are alone. The only “person” who will think it’s weird is your conscience, so build up your tolerance slowly. And by all means, if the thought of going to a museum bores you to death, then don’t do it! Do things that make you feel happy, and not just what others think are good. Being alone shouldn’t stop you from having fun.
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I hope you enjoyed this vlog! Another reason why it became a “lost” episode was that I was nervous about publishing it because it made me feel worried because I was being vulnerable. But hello!? Therapy is calling me and telling me that if I live a vulnerable, richer life, others will see it and not be scared to be vulnerable too! I hope to explore this concept in the future. Thanks for coming along this journey!
